Deconstructed Heidi

     This deconstructed Heidi is kind of how my mind and house both feel right now - a little tattered and sloppy - yet the pictures are still clear and I can still make out the story. In my mind, the to-do list is long and still yearns to be creative. In my house, the to-do list is long, but people are still being fed and  getting the rest they need (at least the little ones now). This biggest issue here is an unruly toddler who thinks it's fun to tear up books. This is why I do not get attached to material things. This Heidi book (from 1981) is among my favorite objects from childhood. I have no smocked dresses kept in pristine condition in plastic bins (sorry, Mom). But she did keep all of our books...I mean all of them. There is still a collection of V.C. Andrews in my childhood bedroom. I just can't bear to part with them. They bring back such great memories of being a middle-schooler coming of age...but I digress. When I found this cherished book in shreds, I blamed myself first for taking it down from the high shelf I'd kept it on. But the truth is, no books are safe around him right now. Even the oversize board books have become his victims. I'll find his two pudgy hands gripping the sides while he rips Elmo's head off of a lift-the-flap book. At night, things are better, but also changing. Tonight I plowed through twelve or more board books in an attempt to get him to sleep. In the past a few soothing "going-to-bed" type books would do the trick. It seemed almost a formality at that point in the day. He, enjoying the soothing sound of my voice, snuggling against me, knowing I was there. Me, relishing how perfectly his small body could fit into me, so relaxed, knowing the end of a long day was near.
     Now, things are changing. Again. One of the best pieces of advice I received when I first became a parent was this  - as soon as you get used to the baby, he/she will change. The sleeping will change, the eating, the fussiness or crankiness or clinginess will develop. But tonight it was a more subtle change that developed. He is developing a preference for which books will lull him to sleep. With his pudgy little hand, he pushed away The Going-To-Bed Book and pointed (a change) to Jamberry, of all books. But that's not a soothing read, I wanted to argue. But, perhaps he is tired of the old stand-bys. I guess it is time to swap out some of these tattered board books, stained with dried milk-rings. His preferences are changing and now he has begun to figure out how to show me what he wants, in more ways than one. Apparently, he is not interested in adorable little Swiss mountain girls who live with their grandfathers.

So I plan on cleaning the house and my mind and returning with more thoughtful, eloquent prose soon. I promise...